Astral travel in meditation. The heart knows where it wants to go. It moves toward love & deep understanding. COMPASSion is it's COMPASS.
I was taken yesterday to my cache of memories with my granny. Moments of understanding, love, generosity & nuances of life with her.
I was guided from room to room in her house. Witnessing memories & moments suspended in time. I could hear the clicking of her old clocks, creaking of her wood walls & sounds of her dryer tossing warm towels.
I could feel the cold stone of her floors & the cold air of her house. I traveled to the sink where she was washing dishes, then to the stool where she sat, then to her chair at the big table where she gazed out the back door.
We were starting yard projects, baking sweets, walking down her long drive to get the mail, making chicken salad & drinking RC Cola, I was filling her in on the latest adventures of my life, I was sitting in a plush rocking chair across from her wood rocker in her room, in intimate conversations, we were laughing at the stories of grandpa’s years on the ranch, I asked about dead relatives, we talked about life as when she was younger, we explored projects, we talked about family drama, we longed for loved ones who died, we cried, we laughed, we argued, we had misunderstandings.
I disappointed her but she loved me still.
I saw myself coming into town late at night, careful to not make the front door creek, tip toeing into the kitchen writing her a note above the coffee pot for her to find in the morning.
I always did this. She woke up before anyone else & it was our way of communicating at times. I always signed them: URMyQT
My granny was my best friend. She was my first pen pal, my first text message, the one I called when I had accomplished anything, the first I asked advice from, the first to know my heart deeply.
I told her all my deepest dreams & desires. She was the first to support me. She was the first to believe in me. She took me shopping. Showed me style.
She inspired me with stories from her 20’s. She talked about past loves & how things ‘used’ to be.
She was my best friend. She has been my best friend through many lives. I am shown that now.
She gave me the belief that anything can be done & will be done if I desire it to be.
I saw her start & finish so many projects. I remembered always wanting to be a part of them. I loved working side by side with her. She taught me so much. I loved how she wasn’t afraid of doing big things. I loved how she waited for no one to ‘give her permission’.
She was the one of the first people to show me what ‘Passion’ looked like. She was PASSIONATE about so many things.
The art of cooking, The art of hosting parties, The art of conversation, The art of Home, The art of antiques, The art of styling, The art of creating, The art of spontaneity, The art of just sitting in stillness, the art of gardening, The art of fixing things yourself, the art of cleaning, the art of follow through, the art of consistency, the art of showing up, the art of being on time....
She loved all of us. Her life was in service of us. She created a sacred space for all of us. She cooked lavish meals daily. She loved collecting things. She enjoyed going to the store to gather up the ingredients for the meals she so lovingly put together.
She loved putting on red lipstick, pouring the wine & being witness to the fruits of her hard work.
I saw her channel her suffering into a creative life of home, safety & love. She generously gave & supported.
I saw her hide her vulnerability & push away the pain of things she wasn’t proud of.
There were parts of her life that she was ashamed of & never quite fully reconciled. I saw her age gracefully with independence of a cat & wits of a fox.
I love my granny.