Is it selfish to want to feel good ALL the time? 

 The part of you that is asking the question, is doing so from the shame & confusion of a child. Because parents, teachers, school, society, work, community told you (either consciously or unconsciously) that you must ‘suffer’ first before you can have fun & feel good.

 As children we were forced to conform by betraying ourselves over & over again. Betraying our natural impulses in order to satisfy the emotional needs of the adults around us. We literally were trained to put our happiness, our fun, our ‘feel good’ in the hands of others until we EARNED the right to experience fun.

 I know this sounds dramatic. It is dramatic. But take a moment to go back into the discipline in your home, look at your life when you entered the ‘system’ first grade or sooner, check in with yourself on how school felt at times, how your parents guided you, how it felt entering the working world. Visit the guilt, shame, sacrifices you made along the way. 

Feel into where the belief originated. Did you feel stressed in college? In high school….pressure to know who you wanted to be? In grade school learning all the rules & how to conform. No one is to blame. This is not a trashing of parents, teachers, society or community. They were all domesticated from the generation before them. 

They were not awakened yet to their own domestications & limited perceptions of how the Universe operates.

 However, you probably had a few ‘woke’ people along the way. We all have these spiritual guides. They are scattered throughout our journey here on earth. 

They are the ones that show you another possibility, one you hadn’t been awake to before. I remember my first spiritual guide. A second grade teacher, Mrs. Bacchus, she told me I was the most creative kid she had ever met. And I believed her 100%. She allowed me to play play play. In fact she taught me fun, creativity and feeling good were more important than mathematics. She knew that if her students felt good first then this is all that mattered. In fact she has a magical way of making things fun that ABSOLUTELY were not fun. 

I never encountered another teacher like her, in the system. But the lessons she taught me have never left me. See, once you awaken to some deep truth within you, it feels almost impossible to fall asleep to it again.

 Reflect now on spiritual guides you have had along the way. You can always spot them by the WAY THEY MAKE YOU FEEL.

 Honestly they aren’t making you feel anything, you are simply accessing the vibration that you always have access to. They flip the switch in a dark room inside of you. Shining light where there was once unintelligible truth.

 Domestication of you was fundamentally based on you becoming a ‘good citizen’ ‘good person’. It is likely you had statements such as these spoken to you from a young age & on up: You can’t have fun till you have done A, B, C, D. You must work hard, play later. You have to make sacrifices to get the things you want, You have to do things you don’t want to do, this is life. Money does not grow on trees. You have to get a good job. You have to go to college in order to be somebody. You have to do this….You have to do that…. Do any of these resonate? 

Can you see how each of these statements betrays your own truth? Betrays your own needs & desires in order to satisfy someone else’s made up belief that, this is the only way. 

Life seems to be Linear. From a mind/ego perspective there is an order to things. A linear point A to B. I will not argue that. However I would like to stretch you a little. To see that all possibilities are available to you. You can have fun & feel good most of the time. You don’t have to do things you don’t want to do. You can make choices to believe something different from your prior conditioning.

 Life is not linear. It is all ENCOMPASSING. Now, part of you is fighting for this to be true.

 I know so because you are reading this. There are no coincidences, only choices that bring you closer to your truth. The domesticated part of you is thinking, well of course I have to do things I don’t friggin want to do. I have to do the dishes, laundry, housework, go to my job that I hate, visit my dysfunctional family, have that hard conversation & cook dinner AGAIN.

"Can you imagine it? You are in such a place of peace & surrender that you don’t get riled up. You don’t overreact, less triggered, everything rolls off your back because you have learned that anything that costs you your PEACE, you can no longer AFFORD."

So how can this relate back to practical things in your life? It's actually very very simple. As long as you will be vulnerable and allow yourself to surrender. 

Let me explain. Yes, I agree there are things we ‘have to do’ that we don’t enjoy. Like vacuuming, I freaking hate vacuuming. Step 1 is to notice how you feel when you're engaging in an activity that doesn’t feel good. You can even take a few notes about it now. Go ahead. I will wait for you. What does it look like in the mind? How do you feel doing it? What sensations are happening in the body. Take note of these.

 After practicing being the witnessing presence of your resistance to the thing you hate move to Step 2 You can continue for the rest of your life uncomfortable, bitter, telling yourself a story around how much you hate the thing, how no one else does the thing but you (no one vacuums but me in my household), how you are a victim by going to a job you hate, how laundry is out to get you OR you can choose something else, right now. 

If you cannot hire someone to do a thing, or you cannot delegate someone else to do the thing, if you cannot compromise with someone else in the doing of the thing, if you cannot NOT do the thing then Step 3 is to become Aligned in the doing of the thing.

 This is the hardest brain exercise known to mankind. Once you master this once, twice, three…..and so on, then YOU WILL BECOME an unconditional Alignment Master and nothing will have the ability to take you away from your happiness. This is true FREEDOM. Can you imagine it? You are in such a place of peace & surrender that you don’t get riled up. You don’t overreact, less triggered, everything rolls off your back because you have learned that anything that costs you your PEACE, you can no longer AFFORD. 

But how can you get to step 3? Firstly your mind/ego will want to FIGHT for all the reasons why the ‘thing’ is NOT your responsibility, no one helps, why me?, this isn’t fair…..These are all stories that keep you stuck in the resistance a.k.a bitterness. 

YOU have to let go of the story. This takes vulnerability & surrender. Are you willing? Has the suffering gone on long enough? Or do you need to stay bitter & irritated a bit longer? Everyone is capable, but not everyone is willing.

 I had to realize that if I wanted the house vacuumed everyday, then I am the one who is responsible. I cannot put that expectation on anyone else. I am the one who gets out of Alignment, bitter & irritated when it's not vacuumed. The rest of my family members could care less. I NOR YOU can make anyone else responsible for how YOU FEEL. Period.

 Finding Alignment in things that you USED to not enjoy ( if you are reading this far, then its fair to say, you are willing. So shall we put this thing that bothers you in the past?) looks like this: Asking yourself, how can I make this more fun? What is a more fun way of doing this? Is there an easier way of doing this? How can I make this feel better?

Example: I now vacuum with earbuds, listening to a binaural playlist on Spotify and literally visualize that I am vacuuming my dream house in Colorado. During this, I feel good, I am really vacuuming my dream house, how could I be upset about that? I allow this task to bring me into deep Alignment within myself.

 I know that maybe you have some more challenging things on your plate. I want you to really consider how you can answer the above questions in regards to the thing you ‘hate’.

 THERE IS NOTHING you cannot NOT find Alignment in. I promise you. I know this because we are the ones who assign the stories to things. You are the operator, programmer & designer of your life. You are more powerful than you know. 

Nothing will change, if nothing changes. I love love coaching people into ALIGNMENT.

 If you are currently struggling and now sure how to map out your Alignment, message me Inga@alightenedlife.com.

 If you mention this blog, you will receive a free 15 minute consultation and 20% off your first coaching call.

Go Subscribe to my Youtube channel & submit questions to: inga@alightenedlife.com

 I look forward to helping you create a shift in the way you feel & perceive the obstacles in your life. I am rooting for you!

XOXO,

Inga Kervin