HOW TO SHIFT OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP & NEVER ATTRACT ANOTHER ABUSER.

You will only allow yourself to be abused to the depth at which you abuse yourself. This is NOT placing blame on you. This is merely to empower you & shine a light on your own inner strength. 

Let me start by saying this article may be triggering. If you are in danger or in an abusive situation please reach out to the Abuse Hotline, here you will find 24/7 help. Text, Call, Message. Verbal, Mental, Sexual, Physical abuse is NEVER okay. 

I have had plenty of time, reflection and practice in the arena of abusive relationships. This is what I know to be true. What is true for me may not be true for you. However I hope that you find comfort, strength, clarity & empowerment in my words. I want you to fully come into the UNDERSTANDING of self love and how it is your impenetrable shield of protection.

  You will only allow yourself to be abused to the depth at which you abuse yourself.

 Let us first examine love. Love, the unconditional desire for the wellbeing of others & ourselves. The unconscious or perhaps conscious for some, recognition, that what I do to others I do to myself.  You cannot love another without loving yourself, you cannot love yourself without loving another. 

Our partners are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. We attracted them through our vibrational frequency at the time of our meeting. They are a reflection of how we feel/felt about ourselves. This is a hard pill to swallow at first. But here, in the discomfort, is the awareness of this truth. 

 For a long long long time. I did not understand this. Nor did I want to admit that I was attracting the abusive relationships, I was the victim! Not the willing participant in the chaos. 

 Allow yourself for a moment to go there. To think back to who you were when you attracted the relationship. What was your inner world like? How did you feel about yourself? Were you escaping something? Were you being honest with yourself? Did you ignore red flags? Did you ignore your intuition for the hope of love & acceptance? Did you betray yourself many many times in hopes of the person becoming the illusion that you fantasized them to be? 

 Go ahead and grab a pen. Answer a few of these questions, as honest & raw as possible. 

Be open to the truth. The willingness to go deep within yourself, to answer hard questions with clarity and truthfulness is the DEPTH at which you are willing to love yourself, unconditionally. This is the first step to self love. 

If you tell the truth, it becomes part of your past. If you tell another lie, it becomes part of your future. Cultivating self love, unconditional love within yourself will ensure that you are NEVER a vibrational match to an ABUSER again. Make a decision NOW to stop digging that hole.

Self love is over glamorized as spa baths, hot cups of tea & pedicures. Those are all wonderful & should be enjoyed. However they are somewhat superficial in the delivery of self love.

 Think about it this way. With children we can feed them, bath them, educate them, but if we do not hold them, nurture them, accept them (good & bad), allow them to make mistakes, honor their boundaries & sit with them through hard emotions then we are NOT vibrating at the level of unconditional love. When we only take care of surface level needs we are operating at surface level CONDITIONAL love. 

 It is like this: This feels good, so I’m all in (conditional), This is hard so I’m gonna check out now (conditional). V.S This is uncomfortable & hard but I choose love & I know by doing so I will see the love reflected & in that reflection I will find healing. (unconditional)

 Think about how many times you have betrayed yourself. How many times do you think you chose to turn away from hard feelings, things about yourself that didn’t feel good?  

You betrayed yourself every time you didn’t allow yourself to feel, to cry, to scream, to choose, to eat, to walk away, talk to a friend, to open up.

 You betrayed yourself every time you built a wall, drank too much, ate too much, shamed yourself, hurt yourself, shut down, pretended it was all okay, justified. 

 Allow yourself to wake up. Allow yourself to feel into the growing awareness around who you really are & who you desire to be. Write to yourself daily. Ask yourself hard questions, allow the answers to flow with love. Unconditional love. That is your true beingness, unconditional worthiness. Sit with yourself, in the ugliness, in the hard truth, in the hard emotions. Sit with yourself as the loving witness and offer unconditional love. Vowing to never betray yourself again. Build integrity moment by moment. 

Self love is an impenetrable shield of protection.

In this practice, you will no longer be a vibrational match for abusers. You will become energetically unattractive. An abuser has a deficit of self love as well. They are the opposite expression of a victim, but vibrationally they both operate from a deficit of SELF LOVE. This is why an abuser & victim are vibrationally attracted to each other. 

Cultivating self love within you, ensures you are no longer attracting this deficit. In fact you become a match to UNCONDITIONAL love, this is law. 

 How does unconditional love feel? Close your eyes & imagine it for a moment. To be loved in ALL CONDITIONS of mind, body, soul? Explore this within yourself every day. Write to yourself everyday. Feel into this everyday.  Linking up to this vibration every morning reconnects you to source energy. Visit this as often as you can. 

This is how I shifted my vibration. This is how I shifted the relationships in my life. I did not have to change anyone or anything else. I only had to tune into self love, this tuning allowed me to shift into aligned actions that brought me to where I am now. People, friendships, family members, partnerships that did not match my new vibration faded away with ease. 

 Self Love Is An Impenetrable Shield Of Protection.

 I invite you to the launch of my free Alignment Mastery Workshop. Subscribe to my Youtube channel for announcements & launch date!

Inga Kervin