Today I sorta decided to take the day off from journaling/blogging here. It was a half-ass thought. Part of me was okay with it (the mind) the other part was not (inner voice). I went about my day. A good day. Painted, relaxed, ate ice cream & even cleaned up the studio before it was too hot. There were no apparent 'triggers' as I had had a good day. As I went about my day something started nagging at me. It started as an uncomfortable feeling...then as a whisper. I started to hear negativity, fear, & judgments (all at my self). As I dreamed about my future, contemplated business ideas and esoteric theories....I began to talk badly about myself. I felt the shift. It was low key at first then went for the jugular.
It went a bit like this: Who do you think you are with all this stuff? Gosh you never finish a project, look at how you have failed at so many things. I am never going to have the reach that I want to build a successful business because Im too scattered. Im always going to have to work toooooo hard for things....and even when I reach my goals (if I do) I will be too exhausted to enjoy them. I am unhappy. Thats it......Im just destined to be unhappy.....in a mess that I created. Poor me poor me. I am a victim of my own self...no one else to blame. I suck.
Has this ever happened to you? Out of nowhere the Ego comes to 'save' the day (NOT)! The Ego actually believes its the voice of reason and that it can shame you into submission. Shame you into staying small. Shame you for dreaming big & stepping out of ITS EGOIC comfort zone...... to think I believed it for a few hours...
Where I went wrong: The human condition (ego) is a 'disease'. We will never be cured of it.....it will always reside within us. I can only take my medicine as treatment to keep it in check. Ego comes from the mind. Inner Voice comes from a deeper purer place. My ego (mind) tricked me into not listening to my inner voice this morning. The Ego knows that with journaling, blogging, deep reflection, inner voice work & letting go of limiting beliefs.....it CANNOT BE HEARD. It goes into remission.
Question (mind): Who am I really?
Inner Voice: You are a sovereign being...full of light, love & infinite potential. The ego is ruled by limitations & fear. Who you really are is not governed by rules, limitations or fears. You are not the ego. The ego is who you become when you abandoned who you really are.
I love this, thank you inner voice. When I believe my EGO then I am abandoning who I really am...I promise to always come back to you (inner voice) in each moment. I love you & I am thankful for you, my sweet all knowing inner voice.
XOXO
Inga